The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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