Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
