We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
