Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
