went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
