I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
