Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
