...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
