If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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