just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
