Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
