took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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