we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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