I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
