idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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