question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
