well I can't set my house on fire every night
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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