i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
