white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
