i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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