I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
