bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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