This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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