I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
