This is not my ceiling
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
