do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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