Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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