I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
