i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
