Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
