i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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