Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
