Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
