i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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