I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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