While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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