He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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