How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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