wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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