I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
