The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die