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I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
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