I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Just invented taco cereal.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.