Texts From Last Night

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  (972): View more from Texas

  the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool

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  (972): the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool http://tfl.nu/pe2b
  Replies (13) Good night (558) Bad night (888)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.

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  (334): Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me. http://tfl.nu/y7m9
  Replies (24) Good night (2275) Bad night (554)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.

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  (902): i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots. http://tfl.nu/58kw
  Replies (35) Good night (2682) Bad night (736)
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  (585): View more from New York

  My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.

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  (585): My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon. http://tfl.nu/q628
  Replies (8) Good night (3629) Bad night (905)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.

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  (618): Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog. http://tfl.nu/c9by
  Replies (29) Good night (2265) Bad night (4963)
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  (516): View more from New York

  I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"

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  (516): I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?" http://tfl.nu/niuk
  Replies (38) Good night (6911) Bad night (1186)
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  (+64): View more from New Zealand

  I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer

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  (+64): I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer http://tfl.nu/8v2s
  Replies (14) Good night (1659) Bad night (3453)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.

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  (715): i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead. http://tfl.nu/xiio
  Replies (14) Good night (2083) Bad night (7612)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.

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  (303): And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first. http://tfl.nu/c9e0
  Replies (11) Good night (777) Bad night (3396)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.

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  (402): From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own. http://tfl.nu/wlot
  Replies (4) Good night (1971) Bad night (1374)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.

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  (781): perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax. http://tfl.nu/ar2h
  Replies (0) Good night (908) Bad night (1230)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I'm a corrupt cop.

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  (678): You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably. (404): I'm a corrupt cop. http://tfl.nu/teya
  Replies (4) Good night (1814) Bad night (420)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.

  (1-270): View more from Kentucky

  Hey I found a cat!

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  (270): Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do. (1-270): Hey I found a cat! http://tfl.nu/yvuv
  Replies (7) Good night (1702) Bad night (302)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage

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  (757): It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage http://tfl.nu/6fy5
  Replies (1) Good night (1270) Bad night (303)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Literally.

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  (312): I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth. (312): Literally. http://tfl.nu/rigg
  Replies (4) Good night (556) Bad night (179)

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