so that wasnt chicken after all
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
