The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
my poor anus
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
