you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
