Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
