So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
