imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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