Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
