Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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