Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
