I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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