So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
