she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
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If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
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After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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