Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
