I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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