It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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