You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
