If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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