He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
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I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
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I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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