meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
