my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
