what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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