Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
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this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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