How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
