I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
