I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
