Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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