She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I look better un-naked...
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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