I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
