That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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