Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
