how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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