genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Randomize
